gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The air taste purple.
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