So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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