So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
