Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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