Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
