woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
