If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
