My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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