I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I will pee on everything he values.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
