I've blown a few things in my day
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
