Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
