like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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