i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
