Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
