I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
