so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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