Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
