I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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