Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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