DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
