Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
