went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
