Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
