She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
