After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
