Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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