I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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