Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Randomize
