glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
