Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
