A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
