I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
