Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?

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(714): View more from California

I would go down on you faster than GM stock

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(270): View more from Kentucky

possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.

(618): View more from Illinois

I'm rooting for #1.

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(317): View more from Indiana

The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.

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19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
Read it at the TFLN blog
(717): View more from Pennsylvania

If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.

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(386): View more from Florida

Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.

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(301): View more from Maryland

His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.

(1-301): View more from Maryland

I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.

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(317): View more from Indiana

There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.

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(312): View more from Illinois

My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?

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