Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.