everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
