you guys were way drunker than both of me
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
