we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
