I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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