I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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