Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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