Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
