His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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