i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
this is an emotional support booty call
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
