i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
