i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
