I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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