I think my vagina is haunted
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
