I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
