did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Boobs speak an international language.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
