listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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