Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
