He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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