this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
