Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize