You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
