is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
