Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
