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I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
