the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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