I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
