Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think I won the penis lottery.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
