So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Are we still banned from the library?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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