My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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