hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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