Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
