would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
