my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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