So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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