3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just cropdusted the office
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I cut my penus on the lid.
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dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
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I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.