Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read