I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?