apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.