Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just gift wrapped bread.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?