So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
