I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
