My friends, they love my intelligence
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
