He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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