Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
