So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well I just put wine in my tea
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
